I was told by Shadi he wants me to leave by January as his mother is coming
I was gracious I said "You want me to leave?"
He said yes.
I struggled with it all day.
As soon as I got in my car, a sermon about Jesus calming the storm was on from Pastor of Calvary Chapel. It included interesting facts about the wind and waves and Jonah too.r
That night I went to church at Cottonwood and they also talked about the calming of storms. It was great.
I didn't send text to Jacob but he was at church and sent me a text. That was encouraging
I feel like God is holding me up in this "storm." I know in reality its not the end of the world but I am thankful for the upholding.
I know there has been trouble since I've been here. I was uncomfortable living here with his mother here.
There was the incident when I came here and his mother was here and I didn't respond to her. It was
a mess.
Shadi said he didn't tell me because of the whole cancer situation but now that its over he did.
I understood something. I am a paid guest in his house. Even though my name is on the contract, I didn't pay the security deposit. I moved in on his deposit. I don't know about the first and last months rent because I can't find it on my checking or savings accounts.
I was going to leave in a huff this morning. Instead I stayed and will leave tomorrow for Moms for Thanksgiving.
I'm feeling humiliated a little but I came here knowing there were unpleasantries in store. I really didn't want to come here at first but they talked me into it.
I am trying not to do or say anything that will unleash strife or anger. I'm afraid a breach will be hard to repair. God help me. I'm angry person a lot of the time. I think sometimes its angry spoiled child still.
I'm feeling OK right now.
I talked to J. yesterday too. Talk about storms. He talked to me for almost an hour about everything that has been going on. I told him Rick told me there were some marital issues. He told me many devastating stories and about when his son was in a coma. I wasn't there for any of it. I felt bad. Also, I didn't know that his mother died and he had to give the order to pull the plug on her. He said he used to work 80 hours a week. Lack of romance.
I went to church after talking to him.
Then I went to church and the sermon also had about storms and waves and ships and holding on because Jesus rescues us.
Then I went and saw Ed and Janet. They were both so happy about my situation. I went to Yoghurt afterwards with Ed. He talked about some websites he was into.
I came home and slept feeling dejected a bit.
If I keep my perspective right:
1. The two storm sermons show that God is control of this situation
2. The fact that He helped me through the health storm shows He will help me through this storm
3. Understanding that I did something I wasn't 100 percent wanting to do. I allowed myself to be talked into this.
4. The guilt of the errors I made along the way
5. The guilt about my Dad
6. The embarrassment of being asked to leave. It puts me in my place. I could shout or snarl or whatever but in reality, I'm in this position because of choice I made some of which were wrong. I'm feeling OK now as I am expecting to rest a little then go to the doctor and to the men's meeting tonight at Cottonwood. Then I will go to Reno tomorrow. Rick is coming back to Reno which will be good for Mom.
storm for me?
I haven't eaten breakfast yet.
I feel peace in my soul as I'm sitting here on my mattress that I just got. I bought it from the high school of the kid next door.
Ba
-----------
I did my show on Thursday. I translated Basma Wahba's interview with the two sheikhs. It was good. Then I went and saw Azad. He told me that he cried when he thought I might die. It was touching I embraced his waist as I was sitting in my car. I then went and wrote the song "I didn't know that you cried."
I went to Bogarts on Tuesday night where I saw Jesse. He told me of thing that he was doing on Saturday night at Hellada's Gallery. I went and played my songs Jesse's Corner and Yalla, Yalla. There was an Arab American guy there named Lukas. He works in a refugee resettlement program and deals alot with Palestinians. He sang the Yalla, Yalla with me.
the whole thing was nice except for the hinduistic chanting and then J's angry songs. He asked do you want a song about feeling or f. I wondered if I should be there but he was very nice to me and wanted me to go first. I did.
Most people did one song, I did two.
......................
Also, I went to Dr. Bui on Wednesday. He said I was lucky that there was no cancer. But he said he wanted to make sure so they will do another colonoscopy. I had to change my health service from AMVI to Caloptima Community Service, which I did on Friday.
I am sitting here on my mattress would like to get a few winks before I go out.
---------------------
On Wednesday after Dr. Bui I went to Rodney's open mike in Long Beach. Was well received I did City of God and Johnny.
Rodney said he had been praying for me and when I left he said: "I love you." I said "I love you too."
On Monday I went to Barnoa and played my new guitar: One of the these days," and "Juju's Dancing." Gary was nice and encouraging as always.
I was gracious I said "You want me to leave?"
He said yes.
I struggled with it all day.
As soon as I got in my car, a sermon about Jesus calming the storm was on from Pastor of Calvary Chapel. It included interesting facts about the wind and waves and Jonah too.r
That night I went to church at Cottonwood and they also talked about the calming of storms. It was great.
I didn't send text to Jacob but he was at church and sent me a text. That was encouraging
I feel like God is holding me up in this "storm." I know in reality its not the end of the world but I am thankful for the upholding.
I know there has been trouble since I've been here. I was uncomfortable living here with his mother here.
There was the incident when I came here and his mother was here and I didn't respond to her. It was
a mess.
Shadi said he didn't tell me because of the whole cancer situation but now that its over he did.
I understood something. I am a paid guest in his house. Even though my name is on the contract, I didn't pay the security deposit. I moved in on his deposit. I don't know about the first and last months rent because I can't find it on my checking or savings accounts.
I was going to leave in a huff this morning. Instead I stayed and will leave tomorrow for Moms for Thanksgiving.
I'm feeling humiliated a little but I came here knowing there were unpleasantries in store. I really didn't want to come here at first but they talked me into it.
I am trying not to do or say anything that will unleash strife or anger. I'm afraid a breach will be hard to repair. God help me. I'm angry person a lot of the time. I think sometimes its angry spoiled child still.
I'm feeling OK right now.
I talked to J. yesterday too. Talk about storms. He talked to me for almost an hour about everything that has been going on. I told him Rick told me there were some marital issues. He told me many devastating stories and about when his son was in a coma. I wasn't there for any of it. I felt bad. Also, I didn't know that his mother died and he had to give the order to pull the plug on her. He said he used to work 80 hours a week. Lack of romance.
I went to church after talking to him.
Then I went to church and the sermon also had about storms and waves and ships and holding on because Jesus rescues us.
Then I went and saw Ed and Janet. They were both so happy about my situation. I went to Yoghurt afterwards with Ed. He talked about some websites he was into.
I came home and slept feeling dejected a bit.
If I keep my perspective right:
1. The two storm sermons show that God is control of this situation
2. The fact that He helped me through the health storm shows He will help me through this storm
3. Understanding that I did something I wasn't 100 percent wanting to do. I allowed myself to be talked into this.
4. The guilt of the errors I made along the way
5. The guilt about my Dad
6. The embarrassment of being asked to leave. It puts me in my place. I could shout or snarl or whatever but in reality, I'm in this position because of choice I made some of which were wrong. I'm feeling OK now as I am expecting to rest a little then go to the doctor and to the men's meeting tonight at Cottonwood. Then I will go to Reno tomorrow. Rick is coming back to Reno which will be good for Mom.
storm for me?
I haven't eaten breakfast yet.
I feel peace in my soul as I'm sitting here on my mattress that I just got. I bought it from the high school of the kid next door.
Ba
-----------
I did my show on Thursday. I translated Basma Wahba's interview with the two sheikhs. It was good. Then I went and saw Azad. He told me that he cried when he thought I might die. It was touching I embraced his waist as I was sitting in my car. I then went and wrote the song "I didn't know that you cried."
I went to Bogarts on Tuesday night where I saw Jesse. He told me of thing that he was doing on Saturday night at Hellada's Gallery. I went and played my songs Jesse's Corner and Yalla, Yalla. There was an Arab American guy there named Lukas. He works in a refugee resettlement program and deals alot with Palestinians. He sang the Yalla, Yalla with me.
the whole thing was nice except for the hinduistic chanting and then J's angry songs. He asked do you want a song about feeling or f. I wondered if I should be there but he was very nice to me and wanted me to go first. I did.
Most people did one song, I did two.
......................
Also, I went to Dr. Bui on Wednesday. He said I was lucky that there was no cancer. But he said he wanted to make sure so they will do another colonoscopy. I had to change my health service from AMVI to Caloptima Community Service, which I did on Friday.
I am sitting here on my mattress would like to get a few winks before I go out.
---------------------
On Wednesday after Dr. Bui I went to Rodney's open mike in Long Beach. Was well received I did City of God and Johnny.
Rodney said he had been praying for me and when I left he said: "I love you." I said "I love you too."
On Monday I went to Barnoa and played my new guitar: One of the these days," and "Juju's Dancing." Gary was nice and encouraging as always.
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