I'm up at 4 a.m. couldn't sleep much
I've started taking the stuff
went and saw Dr. Bui a few weeks ago. He talked to me and said I was lucky there was no cancer. He then looked again at teh pictures and said the tumor was huge
don't know what's going on.
today we'll find out. i hope i'll get the pictures again because last time it was clear from teh pictures what the case was
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There was a guy named Willie Schumaker in high school. He was a bully towards me. In the locker room as we were all getting dressed after our showers, he would snap me with his wet towels. I remember green bruises. It hurt so bad. He did it over and over again. Other's laughed I did too maybe to conceal my defenselessness. He was bigger and stronger than me. Much better looking with his blond hair and fully developed body.
When I'd see him around school, he'd be with his ugly short fat girlfriend. He would be mean to me. I would just grovel accepting his abuse. Even his girlfriend would be amazed at how I just took it all in.
Why did I let him do that to me?
I was not strong enough to fight him.
I wanted to be his friend.
I was willing to be his friend even if it was as a door mat. At least I got some attention from him.
The fact that no one else defended me or said anything to Willie made me feel I guess that I deserved to be treated that way.
Lord Jesus how often have I done this same thing fearing I would not have anything else if I lose my Willie Schumaker.
Reminds me a little of teh day Tina Turner fought back.
-------------
About feeling bad. I always feel bad. I always have something or someone to feel bad about.
I can't just be OK. I can't just feel good about something. I have to feel bad about it somehow. Guilty, angry, jealous, envious, disappointed, hurt. But mostly guilty.
----------------
Drank all the solution and did the two enemas
Bryce came and took me to the clinic -- i filled out all paperwork
Went in and cute nurses helped me out. Went in and did procedure. I was awake I believe for most of it if not all of it.
As we were on the way out I heard a nurse say: He had a huge tumor that was removed and we cleaned up the place of it (something like that)
Then I went back to recovery room. Slept a while. A guy nurse talked to me a little and said that Dr. Would talk to me.
Apparently -- got pictures -- Dwayne was there and heard all this -- the doctor took some sample for more biopsy -- he said it would come back in a few weeks -- he also put a metal stint in i'm not sure why. I think they removed something. He then said that I may need to be referred to surgeon to remove part of colon that the tumor was on.
Afterwards went out with Dwayne. We went to Mimi's and I could only eat a French Onion Soup and a few pieces of bread and a sweet bread that was delicious
I was in real pain hard to eat or anything
I cried a few times -- maybe feeling sorry for myself.
I talked to Mom and told her everything was OK. She said she would tell Loca
I slept form 7 p.m. until about 1 a.m.
It is 2 a.m. now. I want to get ready for my program
I've started taking the stuff
went and saw Dr. Bui a few weeks ago. He talked to me and said I was lucky there was no cancer. He then looked again at teh pictures and said the tumor was huge
don't know what's going on.
today we'll find out. i hope i'll get the pictures again because last time it was clear from teh pictures what the case was
-------------------
There was a guy named Willie Schumaker in high school. He was a bully towards me. In the locker room as we were all getting dressed after our showers, he would snap me with his wet towels. I remember green bruises. It hurt so bad. He did it over and over again. Other's laughed I did too maybe to conceal my defenselessness. He was bigger and stronger than me. Much better looking with his blond hair and fully developed body.
When I'd see him around school, he'd be with his ugly short fat girlfriend. He would be mean to me. I would just grovel accepting his abuse. Even his girlfriend would be amazed at how I just took it all in.
Why did I let him do that to me?
I was not strong enough to fight him.
I wanted to be his friend.
I was willing to be his friend even if it was as a door mat. At least I got some attention from him.
The fact that no one else defended me or said anything to Willie made me feel I guess that I deserved to be treated that way.
Lord Jesus how often have I done this same thing fearing I would not have anything else if I lose my Willie Schumaker.
Reminds me a little of teh day Tina Turner fought back.
-------------
About feeling bad. I always feel bad. I always have something or someone to feel bad about.
I can't just be OK. I can't just feel good about something. I have to feel bad about it somehow. Guilty, angry, jealous, envious, disappointed, hurt. But mostly guilty.
----------------
Drank all the solution and did the two enemas
Bryce came and took me to the clinic -- i filled out all paperwork
Went in and cute nurses helped me out. Went in and did procedure. I was awake I believe for most of it if not all of it.
As we were on the way out I heard a nurse say: He had a huge tumor that was removed and we cleaned up the place of it (something like that)
Then I went back to recovery room. Slept a while. A guy nurse talked to me a little and said that Dr. Would talk to me.
Apparently -- got pictures -- Dwayne was there and heard all this -- the doctor took some sample for more biopsy -- he said it would come back in a few weeks -- he also put a metal stint in i'm not sure why. I think they removed something. He then said that I may need to be referred to surgeon to remove part of colon that the tumor was on.
Afterwards went out with Dwayne. We went to Mimi's and I could only eat a French Onion Soup and a few pieces of bread and a sweet bread that was delicious
I was in real pain hard to eat or anything
I cried a few times -- maybe feeling sorry for myself.
I talked to Mom and told her everything was OK. She said she would tell Loca
I slept form 7 p.m. until about 1 a.m.
It is 2 a.m. now. I want to get ready for my program
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