saturday

went to shades of africa. shywas there

she did this poem which i think was aimed at me -- he doesn't want a woman who is like him, he wants one who waits for him alone and it will be someone closer to his own age and it won't be me

it was sobering

a little disappointing

knowing she like me gave me some wind in my sails.

i did two songs "Cups" and "Simeons Song"

saturdays are getting harder. the loneliness the emptiness. I know the Lord is with me. I should be doing more. so much of what i do is because of my loneliness. Father help me. i can't seem to connect.

one word shy used to describe the mystery guy in her poem was "detached"
that's i suppose the oppostie of attached
that hurt a little as it had a ring of truth in it
i keep dong the same things expceting different results


Went to New Vision there was a missionaryi there from Kosovo and Israel. I think I may have seen him before. Not sure.


I invited Shy to the play tonight. I went but didn't want to stand in teh long line. I came home instead. Father keep my heart. I'm getting a little bit nervous about being on teh street.

i"m feelng a little angry about having to leave three months early. and that they were going to ask me to leave earlier except for the cancer

i was rude to her
I said that its ok that she stay
but then i changed and became mean had arguments with her
then when she came that time i ignored her

i was bad.

have to accept it.
i apologized but i'm not sure its enough

i just want to leave here



I prayed this morning and told God how much of a disappointment I am to Him and everyone and then I listened to the preacher on teh radio as soon as I got in saying: God rejoices over you with dancing. He's not disappointed with you.