Cancer Blog

i was called by the endorectal folks and my appointment is tomorrow at 1. i have to be at the facility by 12. will be sedated i have to go get the clear liquid to drink and only have broths and stuff like that tonight i'm not sure why but the lady told me that my case was marked "urgent" was it because i wanted to get it done before the meet with the surgeon just watched a Tina Turner interview she apparently had part of her colon cut out for being cancerous i'm feeling peace jsut got message from Hazem. His oldest brother died of heart attack went got haircut and got my mixture from CVS came home and tonight is halloween and i went back to store and bought candy from Target at 6 pm i'm supposed to start drinking the stuff to cleanse me Roisin is going to take me to the hospital tomorrow Dwayne is going to bring me home Talked to Randy he's pretty shook up. His father is in hospice care sent home to die. he was pretty shook up. Fe...

Since the first days I knew about this possible cancer thing I've fallen back in love with this album by Servant, specifically the song Sudden Death. I cried and cried as I listnened to it. Interesting story. Apparently Servant the band was part of a Christian community. During their recording of the album World of Sand, there was an accident in which three young men of the community were killed in a terrible head on crash. That is the story of the song "going to a dump and gertting in crash." Wikileaks says that the song "Sudden Death" was written by three members of Servant. Then the song Come Jesus Come concludes what wiki calls "catharsis". https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kiKeyd-rKE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sS5zQQKeuC8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuqT8sV-TK0

wrote a new song "Johnny" Got great reaction at Bogarts in Seal Beach, first time in long time. A guy named Tim came up and said it was a powerful song. A Jewish lady came up and asked about song. She said she doesn't know Chrsitianity so seh didn't know the end line "Inasmuch as you've done to the least," but Tim expalined it to her. Was going to do werewolves of london with xxx but ran out of time went to alfady and got videos ready for Thursday. will do zakir naik episode Roisin called and asked about me and talked to me a long time. She prayed for me. God sends angels as you need. one of the great friends of late has been Michael too. He just wants to rock n roll. but always is very supprotivie of my music. Even though he's Muslim he tells me God has a purpose for my life to spread His message. 😄

I got up early and sat with computer planning for 1:30 p.m. appointment at surgeon's -- I talked already with Ghassan, Hazem, Muin (Khan Younis), Sami Sabbagh so far today. Around 830 a.m. I got a call from Jennifer, very gracious she told me that my authorizaiton came through and she sent everything to UCI and a nurse will call me when things are ready. whew, so relieved Sami called and prayed for me and encouraged me. He is precious sincere hard working brother When to surgeon at the hospital, two oriental doctors... one stuck his finger and twisted hard 9 months I asked the doctor how long this is going to take If cancer, which finger dotor told me, two months chemo, two month recovery, the surgery and then the recovery which will include time of having a bag he said these words "we can save the anus" things don't seem as set in concrete as it seems there seemed some disagreemtn between them about what i should do next -- go to o...

I went to Magnolia Baptist Church in case Dr. Ahmed came -- he didn't  sweet day after Church I went to lunch with Dwayne and Rhonda and then I went home with them and wrote a song based on Pastor Jereny's sermon about "you saw Me hungry....." afterwards I went to church at Cottonwood. It was sweet. and Ed and Elaine came. It was nice and then we went to Carl's Junior and talked for a long time. they won the case in Idaho which is great. Sami Sabbagh texted me too. Randy also called coming back from Phoenix. His dad has a kind of luekemia. He is suffering not expected to make it. He is a believer.

there is an active shooter at the Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh, PA. According to Foxnews there are several fatalities. the suspect is in custody haaretz says there are seven dead Jpost not reporting number 4 dead and 4 3 officers shot multiple causalties eight dead including a cop the shooter is Robert Bowers who quotes scriptures wrongly, hates Jews and hates donald trump felt kind of bad for teh Jewish kid who always writes on my page. I offered condolences to him after teh synagogue shooting. He raged on me a little and then apologized by saying he needs to talk to me because im the only trump supporter he knows

woke up super early today had KFC for late late night snack as I watched Talullah Bankhead on I Love Lucy It's 6:30 now. I'm sitting the sofa of the living room with a cup of Cafe o Lait, (coffee with milk and sugar the Brazilian way) Today I hope my authroizatoin comes through so I can plan for ultrasound this weekend or today Before I call the doctors or anything I wanted to list here the songs I have written since being aware that I might have cancer. I usually introduce them as: A song about a guy who finds out he has cancer: 2 close 2 the edge Gotta Know the One How Many Times at 9:03 I called the oncology institute about the authorization and was transferred to a woman named Susan who didn't answer I got her answering machine. I left my number and hope she will call back. i didn't get much done today but i did update the list of completed videos for FZ i'm starting to fill in teh gaps in went wiht Jaleel to his church...

I am semi frenzy but not out of control. my heart isn't engaged but there is a sense of responsibility to do what needs to be done about this next step which hasn't yet been fulfilled: the endorectal ultrasound the request has been put in but it hasn't been approved yet. i called medi-cal and was referred to caloptima 7142468500 8667964245  CALOPTIMa Medical management dept. I was told there that a referring doctor needs to call them to do the expiditing  i just called Jessica at teh oncology institute and left a message about calling the Medical Management dept. at Cal Optima about expediting the reason this is a problem is as far as I know I need to have the ultrasound before I see the surgeon on Monday.  it took almost a month to get the appointment with the surgeon on Monday.  I know that everything is in God's hand. I'm not in frenzy.  I know no one owes me anything. The state of California has been gracious to hel...

Had to go to doc tor today. They didnt' really do anything just read off a list of medicines and told me my kidneys were perfect as was my blood pressure the one kind of cute nurse who encouraged me spoke as I was leaving: she said stay positive I said Jesus is in my heart He keeps me positive The receptionist asked me "Are you Catholic?" I said I am Christian and Jesus is in my heart. today a bad day on the news. a bunch of bombs were sent to democrats: Obama, Hillary, CNN, Soros the picture of the bomb looked like it had an ISIS flag on it. scary but maybe keeps media from blaming Trump supporters. fat chance called oncologist office they said i need to call tomorrow about ultrasound approval Ghassan Abdallah Samir have all been very supoortive after i told them

I went and preached at Firefighters for Christ tonight. I preached about Revelation 12 was well received though I think I should have read the chapter first. some people were falling asleep.heheh Felice talked to me as well as Daniella. She is concerned for her father I got a message from Michael that they are going to send me 2,000 what agreat message: Hey Steve, You should be receiving $2000 from the organization you sent me. I made the donation today so I don't know when you'll get it. We love what you're doing and praying that these funds will be a blessing to you. Take a day off and go to Disney :) Much love, Michael I responded with this: Dear Brother Michael: As usual your kindness and generosity is overwhelming. What's also overwhelming is the timing of your gift. I told you about my health situation and the expenses that could be associated with it. I've been working extra to save up for any additional expenses associated with the surger...

I called the oncologist office. I was told a request was made for my endorectal unltrasound and that in the next few days i should get a response. I hope it will be enough time for me before i have to go see the surgeon next Monday. I had a new lick I lerned on the guitar:  I wrote the words at the parking lot at Barnoa;s. From the time of my earliest light I felt Someone fighting on my side When I reached the end of the street I knew that He was watching over me If I got to close to the edge His Hand was there it would push me back In a far and distant land I was saved by an Invisible Hand Mom and daddy they were far away To the edge of the roof I strayed And I got too close to the edge A hand was there and it pushed me back And I got to close to the end A hand was there and it pushed me back Days have passed and I'm older now Living things I once heard about Not at the mercy of what doctors say Cause I know Who holds my days If I get to close to the e...

I woke up at 5 or so. I actually been awake since 3 something. I had coffee and prepared a lesson for Firefighters about Revelation 12 my blood sugar was 299 this morning. this is the second time i checked it this week. both times it was 300 there were three days i didn't take the metformin because of the ct scan I had dinner with Randy and Arri again and then I went to the Upper Room to see Oden Fong. It was great. there was a little bad feelings because of reserved seats with a guy there but i found good seat at the back. he sang "she begins to sing," twice. I think maybe because of his age he didn't realize he sang it twice. I don't know. but it was beautiful Tommy's mom talked to me today and strongly encouraged me to undergo chemos. She said there's two choices chemo or death. She sounded very good strong and alert.

Went to AlFady this morning to see about the program if its still Monday they told me I needed to announce on my program that there would be a schedule change Maryama from Somalia agreed to come to the studio on Monday for my last Monday show when I got to studio Benyamin told me that I am the star of the channel. He said it really in serious way. I don't know what that means exactly Amani was very nice and asked about my condition. I came home and worked on translation after breakfast at Dukes. George called me and was happy about Maryama coming on my show.  I came home and worked here. Am doing episode 252 i think which is about the monk bohayra. fascinating I was going to go to Irvine Spectrum but didn't. While I was home Sherif called (probably Michael called him) he was very concerned. It was nice. He also insisted that I never let them do chemo on me. He said it destroys people. I started crying when I talked to him. It was nice of him to do that. Then...

finished an episode of Knowledge of Truth in one day. started it yesterday about this time and just finished it a little while ago called Dr. Bui the office told me they don't refer anyone for endorectal ultrasound. I called back the oncologist office and they are now talking to Dr. Pamela so she can refer me most likely to UCI then I can go to the surgeon on October 29 am feeling guilty like I'm not taking care of myself like i should. I checked my blood sugar today it was 300 i haven't taken metfomin in two days because of the CT scan everyone is being really nice. Ed called today he said his prostate cancer is low grade and won't need operation. He said his mother gets up at night and prays for me. Did a song at Gypsey Den "Gotta Know the One," I said its about a guy who finds out he has cancer. I didn't say it was about me. ----------- this is for yesterday Wednesday since I didn't write anything there yet. I worked all day ...

sunday they prayed for me at Azad's church. I went back to the end times lesson after the sermon. many people came up to me and hugged me. at night I did worship at George's meeting. It was great there were three Steves: Stephen the missionary from Morocco and Stephen the guy who storytells the Gospel of John and me. A Somali woman named Maryana shared her testimony it was really good. after she shared i got up to lead last song and I said how her testimony strengthened me just to know that others go through those same MBB struggles. was great to see everyone. -------------------------------- Today I did the CT Scan. I was put in the machine and went back and forth about ten times. Then they put this IV in me and put some kind of injection that makes you warm inside all over - I felt it warming me up from my neck to groin area. I asked the girl who did it if she could tell me why  I was doing this she said I had to ask the doctor it was a little hard today. Mo...

Haven't reported for a while. Been home since last Monday. Went to open mikes almost everyday beginning Wednesday Tuesday recorded Noble at studio with Joey and Joshua Wednesday went to Agostinos Thursday to Gypsey Den Friday to Arabic church with Shadi. I was prayed for by Ab Daniel Saturday to Azad meeting just got home i got to share with everyone about my conditions after Rhonda asked they prayed for me twice the older lady who started coming told me how she deals with cancer - she said "It's hard" and told me to get lemon grass and cut it up and boil it with ginger everyday. that helps stop the spread Azad told me Pastor Jeremy is going to pray for me at church tomorrow so I will go to 930 meetings I also went to Woodbridge High School and bought a mattress - our neighbor came by yesterday to ask us to support their kid by buying a mattress. i bought one for 199 dollars about the oncologist visit that was supposed to be Friday. I haven'...

Today, I came and saw Mom and Rick. Had great lunch and dinner. The church that had a service that time was Church of Jesus Christ Spirit Filled. Went to church and saw the Heaven's Gate Hells Flame play. at end went up for altar call for prayer for cancer. a kid prayed for me. then a group of men surrounded me and prayed for me. then they showed me a man who had been healed of cancer. it was wonderful when I turned around  I saw my cousin John. He attends there. I went up and saw Pastor Roger and told him about the cancer. He prayed fervently for me with John praying too. Then took pictures with John and his wife Alice. Was fun. I have three pillars of joy in my faith that I feel I can rest on a little: Jefferson in Brazil; Debbie in Reno and John in Fernley. They are serving the Lord with passion and love. so great

Judge Kavanaugh was just confirmed. Halleluya I'm considering going to Reno to see Mom this weekend. I have the computer here which would be great to get some work done. But I also think I should go see Mom. torn inside

Got this precious message from my nephew Mohammed: Hey, I miss you so much. I heard the bad news but I believe if anyone will be blessed it's you. I love you the same way I love my father and mother. You are my favorite uncle may god bless you and protect you Amani was nice and supportive asking about test results and she put my name on Father Zakaria's prayer list. I asked her to use the word "cancer." He prayed for me but didn't say "cancer." I was able to bring the computer home from work so I can work here I went to Irvine Spectrum and didn't find anyone and came home but I did talk to Tommy and his mother has cancer too. WE talked a long time and he prayed for me I talked to Roisin and she prayed for me too I called the folks about the funding for my appoinment and they told me to call back Tuesday

I'm borderline depressed: a. Azad told me his show has been moved to Thursday and that Father Zakaria's show has also been moved to Tuesday. I'm the only live show on Monday and no one has told me anything yet. that kind of pushed me down then Azad was telling me about how his prayers have healed many with cancer. i know he means well but i was already feeling inferior because of his successes and his new ministry in San Diego. I want to say something. I even thought about suicide as I expected a depression slide. But then the peace river that's inside of me started bubbling up. I feel good now. It's a peace that I only feel when there is nothing else. My hardest pain is jealousy I think. It's feeling like I'm less and inferior to others. I remember feeling this way when I felt so bad about Joe not being home when we lived at DAniel's home. He was out doing something ministry related or with other people he had built relations with and I was home...

Today I stayed home for most of the day working on Hazem's book. Ed called and we had good talk. He also is going through biopsy for cancer. He said he was more concerned about mine though... I called the oncology place. They told me my request was still in process and that I should call back in a few days -- Friday to see if I was approved. Went to Agostinos: Did Noble with the backing track which was sent to me by Joey. Sounds pretty good very clean. Saw the son of the owners of Rib Joint at Agostinos Then went to Sammy's it was good but  I didn't play. Mike was great. One thing that is going on right now in line with this whole cancer situation is that there is the war in Washington DC over Bret Kavannaugh. It seems like our side is winning though we won't know for sure till Saturday. They finished the FBI report and it seems it was acceptable to the main hold outs Flake and Collins. Hopefully. After I played guitar ig dyinn the back of the work lot. ...

Went to Dr. Bui today He said that the biopsy came up negative but that the mass is big and that he is 99.9 percent sure the rest of it is cancerous. He also told me I needed to call relatives over 45 years old to do colonoscopies. I called Fatima and told her. She called Najwa and Mom. I called Nasri, he said not to do chemo. He said he saw how it destroyed his mother in law and a friend of his. I didn't really like his reaction but I understood it. I talked to Mom and she was really supportive. Hamdy -- Musa wrote to me too: "Hey Amo: I heard what happened hopefully everything goes good," The doctor also said that I may need chemo and that it would be painful. I am still waiting for the call from the doctors who will tell me when  the four appointments start. Elie Karam called me today and prayed for me.

went to work early well not that early. watched President Trump this morning castigating reporters when i went to work i got everything ready and then did make up I told Imani about the potential cancer. I didn't tell anyone else. she was shocked . I got a call from the doctors in Bui who did the colonscopy. I have to go tomorrow at 5:30 p.m. to see results of colonoscopy. i had a great show: calls from the U.S. and England. REally good substantive comments. among best shows I've ever done about Amena being pregnant with Mohammed four years then went to open mike and did What happens tomorrow and my cancer song -- really great reaction. I used Gary's guitar.