Cancer Blog

I went today to see Randy and Arri. Ed also came. We had fish dinner. Very good Randy's father passed away in Arizona. He will be cremated. I mailed back Mom's key that I accidentally forgot in my pocket. Surprised by the computer. It has been working non stop so far since I got back from Nevada Am looking to get on the list at Roisins apartment they have low rent apartments. will have to get ready for my program on Thursday. I am intrigued by Father Zakaria's teaching on Bohayra. It turns out he repented and left secret messages in teh Quran to point people to the truth.

Just took the car back and came home. Talked to Shadi wasn't the nicest but I think I"m OK made coffee and I'm sitting on my mattress on my way home from Fox Rent a Car -- I heard a sermon about Jonah and the storm and the waves that's the fifth time or fourth time..... I will start looking for a place soon God's under girding has enabled me to be nicer than i expected on my way home, I stopped by and saw Ken and Shaylann. I was feeling so bad about going like I wasn't wanted in light of all the people there already but I felt I had to go since I was right there and had spoken to Ken and Shaylann a few days earlier I also saw Ezra and his wife and daughter -- had real good talks with them and also Aiden and he is in college. Asher wasn't there... had great time. Then headed home. As I got down 395 there was a bad accident had to turn around drive through Lancaster and Rosemond to get back home Got home around 4 a.m. slept and took car...

Went out to Pyramid Lake played a little guitar then I went to see Deborah and kids. I told Shayla" "How's little Stevie." It was fun I got to know some of Deborah's relatives. Saw Cameron and Dakota. Gave cards to the kids I had a little hint of an apology for not being there for them..."I wish I would have been there more for you." was worth it. Rick Cline is in the hospital

I drove all the way to Donner's Pass and fell asleep at the pass Rest Stop. I slept from around 4 a.m. to 10. Woke up and it was snowing a little so I hurried the rest of the way. Came and saw Mom and Rick went and got Fatima. 4TH SEA and WAVES STORM sermon Was listening to KNIS and Bill Feldner was reading Acts when Paul was in the ship in the storm tht not muh. e same story that was used in the sermon Sunday night On the way, I was pretty good. My spirit was in control of my soul and flesh. I did listen to a little zep songs but not much. Kept the peace in my heart. am at Mom's now with Fatima watching Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special Shadi called me and told me that the Samuel's wife from Al Karma died yesterday and said I can go to the funeral with him. I called Shayleann and Ken (in that order yesterday).

Monday was a pretty good day except for the battle inside. I worked here at the house and then I went  to go to the Doctors office to get the appointment for next colonoscopy done. I got it and the follow up appointment with Dr. Bui lined up. Then I wanted to go to the Men's Meeting at Cottonwood. As I was on my way, there was a message from Pastor Matt that they were doing a Shakey's Pizza fund raiser at 5 so I was able to go and see everyone. The kids are getting big. Pastor Matt sat with me. It was great. THIRD SERMON ON WAVES AND WATER AND RESCUES in 2 days Then I went to the men's meeting. The speaker Pastor Gene shared this great story. A ship went down in Lake Michigan and the water was furious. A young who was a great swimmer swam out to the place and rescued 17 people by taking a rope out to them. Then he returned to land and not one of those people said Thank you. He was disabled afterwards. Afterwards we sat around a round table and a retired college pro...

I was told by Shadi he wants me to leave by January as his mother is coming I was gracious I said "You want me to leave?" He said yes. I struggled with it all day. As soon as I got in my car, a sermon about Jesus calming the storm was on from Pastor of Calvary Chapel. It included interesting facts about the wind and waves and Jonah too.r That night I went to church at Cottonwood and they also talked about the calming of storms. It was great. I didn't send text to Jacob but he was at church and sent me a text. That was encouraging I feel like God is holding me up in this "storm." I know in reality its not the end of the world but I am thankful for the upholding. I know there has been trouble since I've been here. I was uncomfortable living here with his mother here. There was the incident when  I came here and his mother was here and I didn't respond to her. It was a mess. Shadi said he didn't tell me because of the whole cancer s...

went to open mike yesterday bought a new guitar one of the thin ovations. I got 90 dollars for my acoustic and red electric guitars. good to unload them. and there was 10 percent off so it came out to 366 .  i went to barnoa. did One of the these days adn Jujus dancing. A kid came up and said he was told I was an interesting person. i also got my mattress today. i really like it very nice and sturdy. have worked on Basma wabha episode to do thursday. i will also be with Abouna on Friday that will pay for guitar also Wael Rook contacted me on line. he was tortured under teh mosque and denied Christ and feels bad about it

am going to oncologist today was going to go to mosque outreach but i was told they have the results of the biopsy so i want to go see that had my first program at 5 p.m. yesterday. One call from Ed. I thought it was a good program about Zakir Naik but no response am getting discouraged. I think I will wait a few weeks to see how it goes. if there is no other responses maybe i should leave Haz wants me to go to Kentucky and spend a few weeks with him to work on a book. he is saying stuff I dont like about new age and crap wednesday I went to agostinos and told Crystal about them taking out my tumor I wanna want somebody I'm standing here alone I think I know just how to do it Just feel weird that I know Would hope that I could need As much I want to be needed Father maybe just a miracle Could make this hardened heart to feel Something that it doesn't have to control Something that it could release Father sometimes it just gets too lonely though i can f...

pretty important day, i will go to oncologist don't yet have the results of the biopsy of the tumor that was taken out am feeling bad about my hardness of heart and lack of spiritual hunger and self sufficiency Father, forgive me. I read Revelation the first part today. The words to the churches were convicting. I'm so far behind where I was. Jesus repeats that often. am not depressed but am thinking of reasons why i should be. i'm ok just a little lonely Abed Jacob Azad Melody Haz David who called open mikes my heart i neared my bottom out and felt the uplifting arms of love

woke up early as I have been and did a little work translating. the main deal today was going to see Kato and Brian. We had lunch at Lemonade in H.B. was great. It was great to be reconnected with them. then I went to baronas and did two songs -- Johnny and Rose of Sharon .. good reaction. As a joke I sang the first line of Bohemian Rhapsody it was well received. shared bout my tumor and it was well received too. i feel bad to enjoy the nice reaction i got for my songs and the testimony. i saw the movie b.r. yesterday. it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. fairly entertaining.

i'm not trusting my feelings now. i don't know if they're exhausted from the roller coaster of the last few days or what. but i feel myself nearing empty. that's not necessarily a bad place as it often leads me back to the Holy Spirit's presence inside me. I loved what Ravi Zacharia said today Jesus was greater than the Temple; greater than Jonah; Greater than Solomon The Temple sets up rituals and ways to approach God but has no arms to hold you and embrace you Jonah had a great successful ministry but hated those he was sent to minister to Solomon had the greatest wisdom and was the greatest failure to live up to those standards. He didn't inarnate the word. the lonliness of singleness. no kids no wife but a peace within. feeling odd an akward Bryan. I just sent him a message. It's like that empty place I felt a couple of times along this route. i don't know if its depression but its near empty. guilt, disappointment, joy, fear of my...

feelign a little constipated. I ate KFC when I got out of the hospital and I think it stopped me up. I called Dr. Rimon to ask if I could take laxitive so close after operation and he told me I could. I went to lunch with Jacob. He has a new girlfriend who is not walking with the Lord. I wasn't too happy but I tried to be supportive. Then I went to Sam Ash and saw a guitar I liked. I wanted to buy it using two of my old guitars as trade ins. But I didn't feel peace about it. It was the same "step down" lack of peace I felt when I was 19 years old and I didn't feel peace about taking guitar lessons or going deeper in guitar learning. I felt like I was taking a step down possibly from spirit to soul in buying the guitar. So I didn't buy it. The last time what happened is that I told God I would not play the guitar again until God gave me another guitar. That same day Mary's father gave me two guitars he had in teh house. When I want to church t...

on Friday they told me that Dr. Lee wanted to do a final colonoscopy to make sure everything was clean and alright. there had been profuse bleeding the day before. I stayed till around noon and they did the colonoscopy. In the operating room, they asked if I wanted any special music. I said if there was gospel music. They put on a song that said "He still divides the seas" great song. Then "In My Father's house there's a place for me. I'm a child of God. Yes I am." Then I think the main nurse changed it to Christmas blase music. I don't know why she did that. Then the doctor came and I went under. I woke up a little while later in the recovery room. Then Dwayne came and they wheeled me out after him. A guy from Iran wheeled me out who is married to an Lebanese lady. He speaks a little Arabic. He told me that Dr. Lee is one of the top five G.I. doctors in America. The Japanese assistant who also did my operation, which lasted three hour...

Thank God I'll be doing the Ultrasound today, God willing Fadi wrote today and asked about my situation. Oprah is speaking for Stacey Abrams Hazem called and said he wanted me to go to Kentucky to talk about his book for two weeks. I told him I will think about it for ... Went to the UCI. Roisin took me and she prayed and worshipped on the way. She prayed that the Lord put special angels around me. When I got to UCI I got out of her car and walked to 22c bulding at UCI. I did the paperwork and then went upstairs with a nurse. Got undressed and put all my stuff in a bag. A cute nurse talked to. AT one point as she talked to me I started crying as I asked "Am I going to know more about this cancer and stuff." She put her hands on my shoulder and hand was very sympathetic. After a while she took me to the operating room. She asked me about the antesthesia combo. I said I don't know she said they did the same combo that they did at the colonoscopy. She told ...