Cancer Blog

It was a rough day overall. I went to DMV to renew registration. As I did, they were only open for driving tests. I asked what happened is everyone on vacation? I should have shut up there. I said to a lady, "Spoiled government workers." She said "My boyfriend is a government worker. He's not spoiled he's been working for nothing." I kept egging her on "I say spoiled." She said "You better shut your mouth." I kept walking and said louder: "SpoilefWent and saw Dr. Bui yesterday. He kept saying how lucky I was that my tumors were not cancerous. He also said I was luck to get into UCI because they don't usually take my insurance He said because the growth or whatever was flat, if it was not stopped, in two years it would have exploded throughout my body. That's what Dr. Rimon said too At the end, he said: Go celebrate. Life is precious.

been here for over a week. i wrote the book Behold the Man and no takers yet i am working on another book King of the Jews went to BHD last night. did my new song with the high pitch....seemed well received i bumped into a guy and spilled his wine as a i was getting out of the booth. i acted like nothing happened a total asshole attitude. i sat down for a while and knew i'd have a hard time sleeping. i went and bought a new glass of wine for him and he was very thankful. why am i an asshole. my new book It is 3:57 p.m. I am at Al Fady getting ready for my show which is about an Imam from Canada who said that telling Christians MErry Christmas is worst than murder. I have two videos..... Last night Ahmed and his wife came to Azad's house with their two grandkids. Azad is so loving and fun with them. He really is a great ministry of the Gospel he has been so kind to me while I've been at his house. I helped him with the NABaptist thing and he passed got a gre...

Had great program today about Bohayra. For the last few days I've been really studying up about Boohayra. I read the whole internet site about the "Christian Bahira Legend." And then I read a few other articles about it and watched a few of Father Z. programs about it. Good thing I did. I got a call on the program from Truth Seeker and he asked all the right questions of the things I studied. I was told he is a new convert from Islam. It was great. I thanked him for challenging me at the end. He said"I'm going to call you back and always challenge you." Rock 'n roll Karen called too but hung up becuase I took too long to answer. Amazing stuff I learned about Bohayra....

did about nothing but she looked at my reports and decided to just let me keep doing what i'm doing

Went Friday to UCI and did the final procedure with Dr. Lee both a Clonoscopy and another oscopy...one is to see in the colon and the other to see outside the colon around it. Everything was good Dr. Lee told me. Sabah took me to the hospital and Bryce brought me home to the Twin something hotel near the hospital. I spent two nights there. the second night the cielin g started dripping as it was raining hard. It was all night long. I fell asleep around 4 since I had slept all day from the powerful anesthesia they gave me. When I woke up I was still plastered from the anesthesia.... I bought Bryce lunch and myself at El Polo Loco. I ate watched Bewitched and I dream of Jeanie and fell asleep. deeply Woke up around four or five and stayed in bed till night time and then went and ate at the restaurant acorss the street. I walked for miles almost up to UCI but I turned around and walked back becuase Mom told me I should eat steak to celebrate. I could tell she was happy. I wanted to ...

when to Azad's chruch. was good message about Mark 1 I translated Azad's speech to conference. got messages from S. still hurting i'm so stupid. why did i do that? Father forgive me and heal Your son. d y feeling that little dot of depression. not happy. guilt. fear of myself. Father help me. Force feed me Your acceptance had a pretty good day. Went to Cottonwood. There was good message by Pastor Bayless I went to see Randy and Arri afterwards. Kato called me and told me of a job offer at teh Tustin branch of OC rescue mission. about 25 hours a week I said yes I was excited by it I should have said I would pray about it

I'm here at Azad's house. I read abou tLou Gram yesterday night. not sleeping until 4 or 5 a.m. Sabah came bh to tk s. called A. and told him about me a. called s. and told him he must forgive. He asked "Do we kick him out of the church?" "Do we throw him out of his work?" Went to Huntington Beach last night with Karen and Joy. Was fun spoke to several folks including Rashed and Khaym and Aymen and Mina.

I moved out today. As I did I stupidly slammed the door. I got a tone i don't want to give myself excuses. but Azad is so kind to me. But I haven't not given to him. I have given to him too and he said it today. I stood with him and helped him. I translated for him and drove him. I don't say this to give myself a pat on the back. I feel like I'm so bad that I need to accept any evidence that I'm not as bad as I have sometimes allowed myself to accept about myself. is there anything good in me. No. But Christ is in me. I don't always let Him show. But He's in me. even when I was going through the torment today with. S. I felt HIs peace enfold me. I went to Hope Chapel hoping the pastor was there. I want to be held and embraced. and consoled. I think maybe God is doing that through Azad when I got to the studion today Azad said "I will see you tonight. He welcomed me his anger towards me reminded me of r. anger towards me. it was ceaselsess it...

I was approved to go do follow up with Dr. Bui on Jan. 3. This is the to see the result of the biopsy from the colonoscopy. at 330 I think I'm supposed to see Dr. Lee for follow up procedure Jan. 11? Then on Jan. 24 I have to go see Dr. Melanchy about surgery. I go see dr. Pamela on teh 15th at 3 p.m. Thurs 5 Tom Doyle's friend 445 on Feb. 15 to Dr. Bui about UCI thing

went to Bogarts was great -- I did Jesus died 4 rockers 2 Day You came into my life too both well received whittle was there and so waas Feter Just moved all my stuff out to the car, barely fits. The last time  I did this was when I had to go the Holy Land for Dad and put all my stuff in the car the night before I had to leave and I left the car at Ed's house for I think five months. Yes five months. I came back and stayed with Shadi about a week or so and then his sister came. I went to a hotel for several days and found the place in Buena Park. Nice at first but then...... Oh well. I stayed there a while then moved in with Hani for a few months. At first was hard with his cousin. I felt like his sons didn't like me at first but that changed with time. Then I had to move on. I went to Skip Cristendon's house in Garden Grove. IT was nice set up. Shared bathroom but it was all Christian guys. It was nice. The kitchen was set up nice and everything with...

Went to Chruch last night was great and had dinner with Ed and Elaine at Fish and Chips place. was great today have to send my 1,000 check to CTEN get it postmarked so it will be eligible for 2018 taxes just went and sent the check to CTEN got it postmarked am going to Randys tonight for party...would have like to go to open mike but Karen also wanted me to go with her and Joy to witness in downtown H.B. BTW there was another message about storms yesterday at church.

getting ready to leave. I've packed some boxes and it doesn't look like it will take long to fill up my car and go. I have until tomorrow the 31st but I feel I should start today get the big stuff out except the mattress

I am sitting out on the sofa in Shadis house still i was called to Dr. Tehany's last night she wanted to support my ministry. Which comes at a great time as I'm having to move out. Junior called to say it would be a week or two weeks before the places is ready As I was at IRvine Spectrum last night I saw Kato and Nardene and Anna. It was so great. I went and saw the Mule. Not bad Was supposed to see Haz. he wanted to see me in a bar in Santa Monica. It was a bridge too far. I told Dr. Tehay of my cancer situation. She said she would like to go with me to Dr. Bui and thinks I should move to the UCI rather than all of these other doctors.. The UCI has been the best to be honest. BTW on the dr. front. I was approved to go do follow up with Dr. Bui on Jan. 3. This is the to see the result of the biopsy from the colonoscopy. I think I'm supposed to see Dr. Pamela Jan. 11? Then on Jan. 24 I have to go see Dr. Melanchy about surgery. And I have to go see Dr....

Went to church with Shadi and Pastor Khalil last night. Lydia Shadeed was singing leading worship. Then a preacher from Egypt I'm not sure who he was spoke. It was good kind of fire and brimestone sermon Lydia was very nice to me later. SAid "You come here." Pastor Khalil gave me 40 dollars. I'm not sure why. IT was ncie. He asked me to share my testimony in teh car.  I told him. Saw Magdi and Fibi and Bassaam Am home now looking for a new home. Thinking of clearing out my car to start moving stuff in saw Jason's food giveaway in Oaklahoma. feeling a bit useless in teh face of it may go to Andrews church tonight. they asked me once to be youth pastor there or another church he was at. I spent three days in PHoenix. Susu seemed mad at me or possibly just mad. She's at that age. they asked me to consider moving there so I could be around kids and stuff as I'm going thorugh these health issues. I talked with Najat who said dad was laughing....

I am here in Phoenix, AZ with the kids. Spent time with Nasri last night.  Was coughing real bad last night at 3 a.m. I went to Walmart to get niquil like things. today went with Musa to see Thahabiyeh am stressed about government. shutdown seems immenent lots of stuff Trump wil do in next few days are stressful pulling out of syria pulling half of soldiers out of afghanistan the government shutdown but on the other hand the public seems to be on his side

Monday I sent message about the translations didn't get response Tuesday I got response and check I rented a car to go see Nassri's kids Also got a call about making an appointment with another surgeon to remove the mass they found with my last colonoscopy I called the surgeon Nadir something but was told he is an oncologist and that they aer going to change it to a surgeon named Mashonti or somethign like that. I will get a call next week telling me the doctors name as there has to be reauthorization I went to Dr. Bui's office to find out if it is cancer. They said I have to wait until our appintment on Jan. 3. I called Dad. He sounded very bad. Teh phone rang like 20 times and he answered. I didn't udnrestand anything he said. It was all grunts. HE knew it was me my voice was also groggy from a cold I have. I went Monday night to Barnoa's and had pretty good time -- everyone really supportive. I did "Cups" and "Song of Simeon,"...

went to shades of africa. shywas there she did this poem which i think was aimed at me -- he doesn't want a woman who is like him, he wants one who waits for him alone and it will be someone closer to his own age and it won't be me it was sobering a little disappointing knowing she like me gave me some wind in my sails. i did two songs "Cups" and "Simeons Song" saturdays are getting harder. the loneliness the emptiness. I know the Lord is with me. I should be doing more. so much of what i do is because of my loneliness. Father help me. i can't seem to connect. one word shy used to describe the mystery guy in her poem was "detached" that's i suppose the oppostie of attached that hurt a little as it had a ring of truth in it i keep dong the same things expceting different results Went to New Vision there was a missionaryi there from Kosovo and Israel. I think I may have seen him before. Not sure. I invited Shy to the pl...

Did my show. There was just one call. It was about he prophecies about the birth of Jesus. Reda loved it. I used coins and a pail and told the Texas two feet of quarters story but made it just one feet and in Egypt. Then  I went to Gypsey Den and did two songs: Cups and Song of Simeon in Arabic. I think song of simeon has legs. Got great reaction to it. Went witnessing today with Tommy and crew. A Muslim girl who knew nothing about Islam was really abnoxious as we were talking to a  black guy who said he was Christian. She was so abnoxious to Tommy calling him Islamophobic etc. When I tried to talk she said "Im talking to him." lol It was still good. She said she never heard of a Muslim becoming a Christian. Tommy pointed to me am feeling low energy want to see A Star is Born but am tired. It start at 10:30 ended up not going. went to sleep woke up at 6 Saw Kato, Christine and Anna at Irvine Spectrum. It was great. they invited me for Christmas

Had pretty good weekend Sunday - I led worship for George's meeting. There were lots of folks there. Then I did the interviews with Steven (from Morocco) and George. It was great I told one joke that got great laugh: "They studied the top ways that Muslims come to the Lord. The Number one way Muslims get saved is by watching my program." Long sustained laughter. Then I shared about 356-438 Great night Shared testimony and Saturday I went to Dr. Rimon's with Azad. Then I went to meeting with Azad. Was good I played Bingo while half the group decorated Christmas cookies. I said names of things in Arabic. Then Dwayne shared about Christmas story. The wife of Dr. Ahmed said "That's two times God saved Jesus, from Herod and then when they tried to kill Him. I said what we believe. Then I got to tell her "ini mitawafeeka wa raf'ak ilaya," IT was well received I think. Karen sang with me and sent me  a video afterwards. Its Monday ...

I'm up and feeling good thank God. My pain is pretty much gone I ate the French Dip Dwayne bought me around 2 a.m. watching Judge Judy I've pretty much been up ever since. Laying down covered up but up. Had Cottage Cheese with fruit for breakfast. I was getting pissy about S. eating my food and using my milk. But then I thought it's an opportunity for me not to be as selfish as I am. It's not about him its about me. I could be more giving. I have that ability. Am drinking coffee right now. I paid another 150 for the Noble song. Am waiting to see if there's any nibbles on the line. Also I entered America's Got Talent on line. I sent the video Leader of the Band from Al Fady took letter from Dr. Bui to Dr. Solmoyer who I will see tomorrow. I think he said I need anotehr operation. The water is so bad on the streets  flooding. Very hard to drive. I am at Alfady now Hillarious day at my show: Before I started my subject Andy called and ...